Happy Holidays! While for many of us it’s a time for joy and celebration, this time of year can bring up a lot of tension, anxiety and panic about how to proceed, particularly if you have a family that’s constantly trying to engage in challenging conversations and topics that you’d rather avoid.
Sure, you’ve heard about setting boundaries, but sometimes it’s like, “what does that even mean?!” Enter “Green, Yellow and Red boundaries”. This is an easy way to remember that you have options and that setting boundaries isn’t a one-size-fits-all endeavor.
GREEN Boundary
- This is the lowest level of risk and involves using gentle language.
- It assumes that family members weren’t aware they were overstepping and want to maintain a peaceful holiday atmosphere.
- The language used in a green boundary is clear, generous, and very kind.
- It doesn’t explicitly state potential consequences and operates in the spirit of goodwill to keep the family gathering harmonious.
Example: “I appreciate your perspective, but let’s focus on enjoying our time together as a family.”
YELLOW Boundary
- This level of boundary indicates an elevated risk, and it requires firmer language.
- It is used as a follow-up if the green boundary wasn’t respected or if past interactions with family members indicate a higher likelihood of tension.
- A yellow boundary may include an intended consequence, if appropriate, to encourage more respectful conversations.
Example: “I’ve asked to keep these conversations civil, and if that doesn’t happen, I’ll need to take a break from the gathering to avoid unnecessary conflict.”
RED Boundary
- This is the most severe level of boundary and signifies a severe risk to one’s emotional well-being during the holiday gathering.
- It involves using the most direct language.
- At this point, emotional health and the peace of the holiday event may be in jeopardy, and the language must reflect the seriousness of the situation.
- A red boundary is the last warning before enforcing consequences and explicitly states those consequences.
Example: “Your behavior is unacceptable, and it’s harming our ability to have a peaceful holiday. If this continues, I will have to leave the gathering to protect myself emotionally.”
Navigating boundaries with family during the holidays can be challenging, and sometimes you might need additional support. If you find yourself struggling to maintain healthy boundaries or dealing with stress, consider reaching out for support. Bright Spot Therapy in Michigan is here to help! You can contact us at 248.296.3104 or visit our website to explore the services we offer. We have resources and professionals who can assist you in maintaining your well-being.
Remember, setting boundaries and seeking support when needed are crucial steps in maintaining your mental and emotional health, especially during the holiday season. Wishing you a joyful and boundary-respecting holiday season ahead!
LOOKING FOR MORE RESOURCES TO REDUCE YOUR STRESS, ANXIETY, PANIC OR DEPRESSION AROUND THE HOLIDAYS? CHECK OUT THESE RESOURCES:
How to Set Boundaries With Relatives. – https://time.com/6331383/how-to-set-boundaries-family/
This is What It Looks Like to Set Boundaries. – https://www.realsimple.com/health/mind-mood/emotional-health/how-to-set-boundaries#:~:text=But%20making%20a%20conscious%20decision,not%20want%2C%22%20Flint%20says.
