Madison Marcus-Paddison
As a Farmington Hills therapist, I say this phrase to my clients almost daily: Be kind to yourself. I even say it to friends and family. But here’s the thing—most people aren’t exactly sure what it means.
Some clients tell me they’ve only heard the phrase from a horoscope, a yoga class, or maybe in passing online. Others are uncomfortable with it. One person even told me, “Be kind to myself? Don’t give me any of that hokey-cheesy-mumbo-jumbo-psycho-babble.” In other words, they weren’t buying it.
The truth is, being kind to yourself is not about “treating yourself” or ignoring responsibilities. It’s not sugar-coating reality or making excuses for harmful behavior. So—what does it actually mean?
What Self-Kindness Looks Like in Real Life According to a Farmington Hills Therapist
When you’re practicing self-kindness, you:
- Acknowledge that you’re human.
- Appreciate your unique qualities instead of comparing yourself to others.
- Remember that social media isn’t real life.
- Let go of unrealistic expectations.
- Forgive yourself for mistakes and speak to yourself with the same compassion you’d offer a friend.
It’s saying things like:
“Yes, this is hard, but I’ve done hard things before.”
“This didn’t work out, but at least I tried something new.”
Being kind to yourself means allowing space for the full range of emotions—sadness, disappointment, joy, excitement—without labeling them as “good” or “bad.” It means accepting stress and discomfort as part of life instead of burying them. It means seeing failure as a stepping stone for growth.
Why Self-Kindness Matters for Mental Health
At Bright Spot Counseling, we see firsthand how clients in mental health therapy in Farmington Hills, MI can benefit from practicing self-compassion. Stress from work, family responsibilities, and life transitions can quickly turn into harsh self-criticism. Over time, that inner voice can impact mood, increase anxiety, and make it harder to bounce back from setbacks.
Self-compassion is a core part of mental health support—whether therapy involves Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), or mindfulness-based approaches. When you treat yourself with the same patience you offer others, you improve emotional resilience and reduce burnout.
The Science of Talking to Yourself in the Third Person
A study in Clinical Psychological Science found that “distanced self-talk” (using your own name instead of “I”) can help people make better choices and stick to their goals.
For example:
- Instead of “I want this to be perfect,” try “John wants to grow professionally, and that means learning from mistakes.”
- Instead of “I need to get my life together,” try “Jackie needs tools to help her stay organized because she’s balancing a lot right now.”
This small shift can make it easier to show yourself grace and avoid spiraling into negative self-talk.
How to Start Practicing Self-Compassion Today
- Use your name when thinking through challenges.
- Pause before self-criticism—ask, “Would I say this to my best friend?”
- Allow yourself to feel emotions fully without judgment.
- Recognize your progress even if you haven’t reached the end goal.
Mental Health Support in Farmington Hills, MI
If you’re struggling with self-kindness, anxiety, or self-criticism, therapy can help. At Bright Spot Counseling, we provide mental health therapy in Farmington Hills, MI for anxiety, trauma, and life transitions, along with specialized approaches like EMDR. Our focus is on creating a compassionate, judgment-free environment so you feel supported every step of the way.
