Dear Good Girl,
I can spot you from a mile away. I see you because I am you. Well, I was… or I kind of am? Look, I’m working on it. The point is- we’ve all encountered this at some point in our lives- the pressure to be a “good girl.” You know, that invisible badge of honor we wear proudly as we try to please everyone around us. But guess what? We’re fighting back and breaking free from the shackles of making everyone around us happy despite the consequences- we’re going to prioritize our mental health, reclaim our time and reframe our self concept. So buckle up- it might be a little messy (which is FINE!) because we’re about to embark on a quick journey of self-discovery and growth.
Boundaries—or as I like to call them, the holy grail of self-care
As women, we’re often conditioned to violate our own boundaries in the name of pleasing others. We become experts at juggling everyone’s needs, all while silently ignoring our own. It’s like playing an intense game of emotional Twister, and spoiler alert: we usually end up in a pretzel-like position of exhaustion and I assure you, it’s not cute. Picture this: You’ve been running on fumes for weeks, but instead of taking a well-deserved break, you find yourself nodding enthusiastically to every favor asked of you. Why? Because you’re afraid of disappointing others. The fear of letting someone down feels like a dark cloud looming over our heads, threatening to rain guilt and self-doubt all over the place. Well my friend, it’s time to embrace the mantra: “No is a complete sentence.” Maybe you’ve read this on social media while you’re scrolling through your feeds, trying to comment enthusiastically on every post you possibly can so you can say you’re supportive, but this one deserves more than a quick “like”. Read it again. NO is a complete sentence.
Identifying your own needs
We often forget that we’re allowed to have needs too. It’s like we’re hardwired to seek approval from others before even considering our own desires. It’s time to rewrite that code. Start small by acknowledging your own wants and needs, and gradually work your way up to putting yourself first. Trust me, the world won’t come crashing down if you take time for yourself. In fact, it might just make you a more balanced, fulfilled person in the long run.
Guilt- the insidious sidekick
Ah, guilt, my old frenemy. We feel guilty for taking time off, for saying no, for having needs. It’s as if a guilt fairy permanently resides on our shoulder, whispering disapprovingly in our ear. But “it’s fine” you say, knowing deep down inside, it’s SO NOT FINE! But here’s the truth: there are two kinds of guilt. True guilt is when you are not living in line with your morals, values, goals for your vision of your life. This type of guilt is very healthy and productive, it keeps us from living a life we’re not proud of. If you zoom out of a scenario and see that you aren’t proud of the decision you made, the way you said something, etc, and that you would do it over again, if given the chance- that’s TRUE guilt. True guilt allows us to make changes moving forward so that we can prevent ourselves from feeling that way again. Then there’s the INAPPROPRIATE societal, manipulative, “what will they think of me” guilt. It’s the sneaky little bugger that loves to make us doubt our own worth. It’s when you do something like set a boundary and the people that have been benefitting from you not having boundaries start to take issue with it. It’s the “I’m disappointed in you”, the “well that’s not how you used to do things”, the “I can’t believe you’re telling me no!”. If someone has an aversive reaction to something you’ve done or said, that doesn’t automatically mean that you are in the wrong. If you can zoom out and say “I did what I thought was right, I was polite, assertive, respectful, I’m living in line with my morals and values, etc., and they just didn’t like it” and you start to feel guilty- that is INAPPROPRIATE guilt. So, the next time inappropriate guilt comes knocking, slam the door in its face and embrace the freedom of choosing yourself.
Consequences of being the good girl
Resentment, anger, and bitterness can slowly creep into our lives like unwelcome houseguests. We become irritable, exhausted, and overwhelmed by the weight of everyone else’s expectations. Our mental health takes a toll, and it’s time we prioritize our well-being. That’s where therapy can come to the rescue! Seeking professional support can be a game-changer on your journey to reclaiming your mental health. Therapists, like those at Bright Spot Therapy in Farmington Hills, Michigan, are trained to help us navigate the twists and turns of life while providing a safe space to express ourselves.
So, to my fellow “good girls,” let’s break free from this suffocating cycle and embark on a journey of self-discovery and growth. Let’s set our boundaries, acknowledge our own needs, and put ourselves first without feeling guilty. Remember, you deserve happiness, fulfillment, and a sense of peace in your life. If you’re ready to shed your good girl persona and start rocking the boat in the best way ever, schedule a consultation online or give us a call at 248-296-3104.
Here’s to a future filled with self-love, empowerment, and the freedom to be unapologetically ourselves.
xoxo,
Madison, Ex-Good Girl
