Making it RAIN: Learn to Slay Your Racing Thoughts
Madison Marcus-Paddison, LMSW
“I can’t control my thoughts and my feelings! Sometimes it feels like they just appear!”
Sound familiar? Well, I’ve got news for you. Of course, you can’t. Not what you were expecting, huh?
The level of self-awareness required to “control” thoughts and feelings is a constant practice. It’s not something you learn once and you’re set forever. If that were true, there wouldn’t be therapists who specialize in treating other therapists, and yoga studios everywhere would be out of business.
Research from Harvard University shows that the mind wanders 47% of the time in the average person. Now, for a person that’s struggling with anxiety, depression, anger, ADHD, and other difficulties, can you imagine how much higher that number likely is? And when your mind wanders, you may struggle to respond to situations in a prosocial, healthy, and helpful manner. Here’s a mindfulness strategy that can bring you back when you notice yourself wandering or feeling out of control- it’s called RAIN.
Recognize
What’s the trigger? What’s going on in the environment? What is the feeling? What are the sensations I’m experiencing?
Example: This quarantine is making me feel frustrated. I’m stuck at home when I need to be ____ doing _____. I’m grinding my teeth, clenching my fists, and finding it difficult to sit still. I can’t stop pacing around my apartment.
Allow and Accept
Give the feeling space to exist, without trying to change it, without judging or repressing it. Fully experience it- feel it all, the thoughts, emotions, and sensations. Some even say the word “yes”, or the phrase “it’s okay, this belongs”, out loud, to give themselves permission and pause long enough to help prevent reacting.
Example: It’s okay to feel frustrated right now- this is a frustrating situation, and everyone is experiencing similar emotions. Of course, I would feel this way- everybody likes to feel in control and there is little within my control right now due to COVID19.
Investigate
Ask yourself some questions with kindness and non-judgement.
- How is this experience expressed in my body?
- What am I believing right now?
- How does this feeling want me to be with it?
- What does my feeling need?
- What do I need?
- What is the message I would like to hear from a trusted person?
- What would be reassuring and healing right now?
Example: This feeling wants me to be able to change something in my environment… but I can’t. I feel like I want to scream. I need to get this out somehow. I’m going to FaceTime my best friend for a vent-sesh, they always know what to say to make me feel better when I’m feeling this way.
Nurture
You are not your thoughts and feelings- instead of identifying with them, observe them as an experience that will pass you by. It’s a visitor-it’s not moving in! Practice self-compassion and nurture yourself the way you would comfort another. You’ve listened to what you need. What message can you offer yourself that meets your needs?
One of the leaders who employ this acronym is Tara Brach, author of Radical Compassion. When it comes to Nurture, Tara notes, “Instead of resisting our feelings of fear or grief, we embrace our pain with the kindness of a mother holding her child.” What does this look like? This could be saying to yourself “it’s really hard for me when ___ happens”, “I’m sorry and I love you”, or “you belong”. Saying these things out loud may feel hokey- so if it’s uncomfortable, try picturing someone you care about saying these things to you.
Example: It’s really hard for me when I can’t do what I want to or need to do. It’s really difficult some of my goals and tasks have been put on hold until further notice. I’m sorry I’m feeling like this, and it also makes me human to feel this way. I fully accept and love myself, despite these feelings right now.
A study published in the Journal of Behavioral Neuroscience showed that “Mindfulness meditation increased thickness in the prefrontal cortex and parietal lobes, both linked to attention control, while compassion-based meditation showed increases in the limbic system, which processes emotions, and the anterior insula, which helps bring emotions into conscious awareness.” That’s a whole bunch of words that basically say employing mindfulness practices, like RAIN, can help your brain grow in the best ways. So, give it a shot!
