Therapy, Mindfulness, and When Slowing Down Feels Like the Worst IdeaDon’t Know Where tThe Most Honest Thing People Say in Therapy
Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
Key Takeaways
- Starting therapy often feels overwhelming, but that’s a valid place to begin; just acknowledge your feelings.
- Mindfulness can initially be uncomfortable, especially for those with anxiety or trauma, as it brings attention to often ignored thoughts.
- Disliking mindfulness doesn’t indicate failure; it may highlight your discomfort with stillness or awareness.
- Helpful mindfulness should be flexible and brief, while unhelpful mindfulness can become forced and judgmental.
- If traditional mindfulness feels unbearable, consider alternatives like external focus, movement, or short pauses to cultivate awareness.
“I don’t even know where to start.”
It’s one of the most common things I hear.
Usually said with a half-laugh.
Or an apology.
Or a look that says, I should probably be better at this by now.
And the truth is:
👉 That’s a perfect place to start.
Because when your mind feels:
- crowded
- loud
- scattered
- or completely shut down
of course you don’t know where to begin.
That’s not a failure.
That’s information.
H2: Why “Let’s Just Take a Breath” Can Feel… Complicated
Sometimes I’ll say:
“Let’s just take a breath together.”
And for some people, that lands.
For others?
Not so much.
Because if you have:
- anxiety
- trauma
- OCD
- depression
slowing down doesn’t always feel calming.
Sometimes it feels like:
👉 turning the volume up
Suddenly you notice:
- your thoughts
- your body
- the tension you’ve been ignoring all day
And instead of relief, it can feel like:
👉 “Oh no, now I’m really aware of this.”
Let’s Talk About Mindfulness (Honestly)
Mindfulness gets a lot of good press.
And some of it is deserved.
At its core, mindfulness is:
👉 noticing what’s happening without immediately trying to change it
That’s it.
Not:
- clearing your mind
- becoming peaceful
- achieving some calm, enlightened state
Just noticing.
Why Mindfulness Can Feel Awful
This part doesn’t get talked about enough.
Mindfulness can feel terrible at first.
Especially if your inner world includes:
- intrusive thoughts (OCD)
- racing thoughts (anxiety)
- heavy or self-critical thoughts (depression)
- a nervous system that doesn’t feel safe slowing down (trauma)
Because when you pause, you don’t suddenly become calm.
You notice what’s already there.
And sometimes what’s there is:
👉 a lot
If You Hate Mindfulness, You’re Not Doing It Wrong
Let’s just clear this up:
👉 Disliking mindfulness does not mean you’re bad at it
👉 It does not mean therapy won’t work for you
👉 It does not mean you’re “too anxious” or “too far gone”
It usually means:
👉 your system isn’t used to being still yet
Or:
👉 stillness brings up things that haven’t had space before
Which makes complete sense.
The Difference Between Helpful Mindfulness and Unhelpful Mindfulness
Here’s where nuance matters.
Helpful mindfulness:
- is brief
- is flexible
- doesn’t require you to feel calm
- doesn’t turn into another thing to get right
Unhelpful mindfulness:
- becomes forced
- turns into “why can’t I relax?”
- makes you feel like you’re failing
- becomes another loop (especially in OCD)
If mindfulness becomes:
👉 something you’re performing
👉 something you’re judging
…it’s not serving you.
So Why Use It at All?
Because when it’s used well, mindfulness creates:
👉 a pause between experience and reaction
Not a perfect pause.
Just enough space to notice:
- “This is anxiety”
- “This is an intrusive thought”
- “This is my nervous system reacting”
Instead of immediately:
- solving
- fixing
- spiraling
That small shift matters more than it looks.
Alternatives (For People Who Hate Mindfulness)
If traditional mindfulness feels unbearable, you are not out of options.
Here are a few ways we work with this differently:
1. External Focus Instead of Internal Focus
Instead of:
👉 “What am I feeling?”
Try:
👉 “What do I see around me?”
- name 5 things in the room
- notice colors, textures, sounds
This keeps you grounded without turning inward too quickly.
2. Movement-Based Awareness
Stillness isn’t required.
Try:
- walking
- stretching
- pacing while noticing your environment
Awareness can happen in motion.
3. Short, Non-Performative Pauses
Not 10 minutes.
Not a full meditation.
Just:
👉 one breath
👉 one moment
And then move on.
4. Listening Instead of Sitting in Silence
If silence feels like too much, try guided content.
Dan Harris’ podcast (10% Happier) is one I often recommend.
Not because it’s perfect.
Because it’s honest.
It acknowledges that:
👉 mindfulness can feel awkward, frustrating, and imperfect
Which is usually closer to people’s actual experience.
How This Fits Into Therapy (Especially EMDR)
In therapy—especially trauma work—we’re not using mindfulness to make you calm.
We’re using it to help you:
- notice what’s happening
- stay connected to the present
- not get completely pulled into the past or into thought loops
It’s not the whole process.
It’s a starting point.
A way to orient.
Back to “I Don’t Know Where to Start”
If that’s where you are—
That’s enough.
You don’t need:
- the right words
- a clear story
- a plan
You can start with:
👉 “I don’t know what to say”
👉 “My brain feels loud”
👉 “I don’t even know what I’m feeling”
And from there, we figure it out together.
A Thought to Take With You
If slowing down feels uncomfortable—
It doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
It means you’re noticing something that’s been there all along.
And you don’t have to do it all at once.
When You’re Ready
If you’ve been avoiding therapy because:
- you don’t know where to start
- mindfulness hasn’t worked
- your thoughts feel overwhelming
You don’t need to have it figured out first.
That’s what we do together.
FAQs
What if I don’t know what to say in therapy?
That’s completely normal. Many people start therapy by saying exactly that, and it’s a valid place to begin.
Why does mindfulness make my anxiety worse?
Because slowing down can increase awareness of thoughts and sensations, especially if your nervous system is already activated.
Do I have to do mindfulness in therapy?
No. There are many ways to build awareness and regulation, and therapy can be adapted to what works best for you.
What are alternatives to mindfulness?
External grounding, movement, short pauses, and guided audio (like Dan Harris’ 10% Happier podcast) can all be helpful alternatives.
You can learn more or reach out at www.brightspottherapy.com or call us at 248.296.3104. I’d be honored to hold space for whatever you’re carrying.
A Gentle Reminder
This post is here to offer understanding and information—not answers about what you personally should do. Mental health care is not one-size-fits-all, and decisions about therapy or medication are best made with a licensed provider who knows your story.
About the Clinical Team
Written by Irene Ivanac, LMSW at Bright Spot Counseling and EMDR Treatment Center, a Michigan-based practice focused on trauma-informed therapy and thoughtful medication support.
