You take pride in doing things well. You hold yourself to high standards. You’re driven, responsible and everyone counts on you to get things done.
So, when someone calls you a perfectionist, your initial thought is you just have high standards.
That might be true but there is an important difference. And that difference can have a lot to do with anxiety.
High Standards Aren’t the Problem
Having high standards can be healthy and motivating. High standards can push you to set goals, take pride in your work and keep growing.
The difference between high standards and perfectionism is how you respond when things don’t go perfectly.
A high standards response is “That didn’t go the way I wanted. What can I learn from it?”. Perfectionism is more like “I can’t believe I messed that up. I should have done better.”
High standards leave room for growth. Perfectionism turns a mistake into a judgement about your worth.
To read more on perfectionism and how it can isolate us, check out this Psychology Today article.
5 Signs You Might Be A Perfectionist
1. Mistakes feel much bigger than they are.
A small mistake can lead to hours of replaying, analyzing, apologizing, or worrying about what others think.
2. “Good enough” never feels good enough.
You reread the email, check your work again, or keep researching even when you know you’ve already done enough.
3. You have different rules for yourself.
You easily forgive other people’s mistakes but expect yourself to get everything right.
4. You procrastinate or avoid things you care about.
When you believe you must do something perfectly, starting can feel overwhelming.
5. Success doesn’t feel satisfying.
You accomplish something and immediately focus on what’s next, what could have been better, or what you might mess up next time.
Perfectionism Can Fuel Anxiety
Perfectionism and anxiety can create a cycle – high expectations become fear of falling short which leads to anxiety and anxiety leads to overthinking, checking, or overworking. You eventually find temporary relief but then set even higher expectations.
The behaviors that make you feel safer in the moment can keep anxiety going.
And perfectionism doesn’t always look like falling apart. Sometimes it looks like having everything together while constantly feeling like you’re one mistake away from failing.
You Don’t Have to Lower Your Standards
If you’re a high achiever, you might hear “work on your perfectionism” and think you are supposed to stop caring. The goal isn’t to become less ambitious, it’s to stop relying on anxiety, shame, or self-criticism to get there.
Instead of thinking you have to do something perfectly to be okay, you start telling yourself that you want to do something well and you will be okay even if it’s not perfect.
Flexibility is a powerful antidote to anxiety.
When It’s Time to Get Support
If you’re constantly overthinking, worrying about mistakes, seeking reassurance, struggling with uncertainty, or feeling like you’re never doing enough, therapy can help.
At Bright Spot Counseling, we work with high-achieving adults and overthinkers who are navigating anxiety, perfectionism, burnout, and chronic stress.
You don’t have to lower your standards. You just don’t have to suffer under them.
Key Takeaways
- High standards motivate growth, while perfectionism leads to harsh self-judgment and anxiety.
- Perfectionists often feel overwhelmed by mistakes and struggle with ‘good enough’ thinking.
- Perfectionism fuels anxiety, creating a cycle of high expectations and fear of failure.
- Common signs of perfectionism include procrastination, dissatisfaction with success, and self-forgiveness discrepancies.
- You can maintain high standards without succumbing to anxiety; seek support if you feel overwhelmed.
